Doom. Gloom. Doom. Gloom. Doomgloom401kdoomgloomDowJonesdoomgloom.
Now that I’ve met my weekly quota as a dues-paying member of the media for gleefully spreading hope-crushing despair and despondency, let us now turn to the subject of designer diapers for adults.
Frequent reader and former college roommate Adam Rondeau recently brought an article on the Fox News Web site to my attention. Surprisingly enough, the article had nothing to do with Barack Obama bumming a cigarette from a known jaywalker or Nancy Pelosi pushing for an interspecies marriage act. Instead, the article described a fashion show in Japan that showed off new designs of adult diapers.
According to the article, Japan has one of the world’s most rapidly aging societies, and sales of adult diapers reached about $500 million this year. The fashion show was aimed at proving that cotton absorbency can be aesthetically pleasing.
"Diapers are something that people don’t want to look at," Kiyoko Hamada, of the Aging Lifestyle Research Center, is quoted as saying in the article.
As the parent of a diaper-wearing tot, I have to agree with Hamada’s statement. On the mornings I take the Boy to daycare, my constant mantra is, "Lord, please let this child hold it until I drop him off." Or, if I’m feeling a little '80s-game-show about the situation, "Big bucks, no poopies, big bucks, no poopies, STOP."
Hamada thinks by jazzing up diaper design, he can overcome the whole stigma that surrounds incontinence and sell more of his product. At the fashion show speakers blared oldie hits such as "Relax" by Frankie Goes to Hollywood while models jaunted on the stage with diapers pulled on over black tights.
Two thoughts:
A.) If "Relax" by Frankie Goes to Hollywood is now considered an oldie, I may need to get fitted for a pair of adult Huggies myself. Depressing.
B.) Kudos to the models. From personal experience involving shady Mexican food and a long road trip through rural Alabama, I know "jaunting" can be a difficult proposition when you’re carrying a little extra cargo in your britches.
I think Hamada’s idea to slap a little sexy on adult diapers is an idea whose time has come. After all, people are not only living longer, they’re also adding life to their years, and incontinence shouldn’t be a barrier to a good time.
Hamada should continue his efforts, maybe even marketing a line of thong diapers for some of our more toothless cougars. Perhaps jazzed up diapers for men could have clever sayings pasted on them like, "I ain’t took Viagra, but this diaper is full."
The designer diaper trend could certainly be a blessing for the former head honchos of the financial services industry who now find themselves sans jobby-job (I think that’s French and urban for "unemployed"). Let’s face it, if anyone knows how to wrap a pile of dookie in a pretty package and sell it, it’s these guys.
Jim Cook, the Giorgio Armani of leakage prevention, can be reached at jcook@dothaneagle.com. Rondeau, you still owe me half a bag of Fritos.
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